The Holidays

The Holidays hit different lately

The kids grow up, people move on.

Left to wonder how it went so wrong.

More so, how it lasted so long.

Lonely is how I’ve been feeling.

Every memory leaves me reeling.

Fuck the holidays.

Ghost writer

On my phone, Lying in bed alone.

Living in a place I could never call home.
Packing up my tools and headed down south.

What the chef cooks yo they putting in they mouth. Batchin’ dishes for them fiends yo that’s what I’m about,

They gonna sit down, cut it with them steely knives;

They fucked around and found out.
My cooking and dishes will rock their whole mental, Free style with no instrumental; Gimme that pan. Get the fuck out the way.

Imma body you like I just called you out on sway.

That’s like I’m on xm. Nah kid I’m serious,

These people are gonna be delirious… maybe furio…

Cause what I put in they mouth they be curious.

I’m on a roll. Like warm butter on a biscuit; Gimme a minut.

You’re whole crew’ll be like “oh shit that’s the business!”

See, they shook. Ain’t no such thing as a half way cook.

My recipe book Be deep like the ocean;

No lie. The last year I been floating, And wishing; So I shit in my other hand and found out the fuckin mission.
On my phone, Lying in bed alone, Living in a place I could never call home.

I’ll be on the beach fishing; That’s my meditation.

Gotta slow down and stop so I can catch what I’m chasing… Death is what I’m facing… Gotta cut ties with the pharmaceutical sedation.

These benzos yo they get me wasted, When I wash em down with some crown Just to flip around the frown That comes from knowing you let your hometown down.

Out of the pan and into the fire; Situations dire.

Gotta climb higher Next level shit.

To see through What I couldn’t seem to do;

Thought I could but laid it all on you.
Situation’s not dire, But fuck I need that fire Lit up under my ass It all happened so fast Lost everything that I thought would last.

I gotta stop now, I’m on them hops now, I got some pills and some weed in me like fuck,. Fuck wow

Can’t discount the bourbon, And just cause I’m suburban Don’t think I don’t have a curb and Won’t fuckin use it now.

I spit with a split tongue; To recognize a snake you gotta be one.

For real son. You got bit. Poison flows through your veins, You ain’t a real one.

I’m serious like a heart attack or cancer; You don’t have the answer Let me do this math; Get in my way I’ll scream on your ass like your dad.

He hated me too. But fuck em all. You bout to see what I can do. On my phone, Lying in bed alone, Living in a place I can finally call home.
So I turned the tables; Never thought I’d be able To pick myself up after such a fatal Blow, like the wind in this fuckin hurricane; Became the storm

to feel no pain. And stand here like the man They never thought I could be, But see yo I had it constantly.

Single

The single life ain’t so simple.

who the fuck wants to ming!e?

Between work and life who has the time?

life was way simpler when you were mine.

Gone

No! Please don’t go I said.

Your head didn’t even turn

As you walked out the door.

Now here I am.

All the pieces of me left on the floor.

Haiku or some shit

So. Here I am. Yup.

sitting on the beach alone.

Ya. So here I am.

A cure for frostbite

I let you in, like my profile was public.

Everything was on display like you were shopping at Publix.

“Well that sucks” I think is what you told me.

That week, I would have paid you just to hold me.

I got a little of that and so much more . . . The GFE  on discount.

So ya, that was a score.

The next line is where you expect me to name call.

But I’m not going to do that.

In fact I adore . . . Not just admire but adore.

Your bravery.

Your wit.

Your writing.

Your intellect.

Your ass.

your occasional lack of self respect.

which, by the way I think is fake.

I mean to do what you do, damn.

some courage and self esteem is what that shit takes.

You put it all out there, like your profile is public.

You had it all on display, like I was shopping at Publix.

 

 

Hey you

Hey you.

Ya you . . .  how have you been?

I didn’t think it would be this long before I saw you again.

But such is life.

Just so you know, I still remember that night.

Ya, “that night” . . . It replays in my mind. 

“I don’t think I’m your girl” is what you said.

We talked a little and I ended up getting hea . . .

. . . uhmm  . . . A night to remember.

Now, I’m there every November.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Platforms

I don’t like this platform

I like to be heard.

I like you to see my mug

when I talk shit on the absurd.

I don’t like to write,

I like to pop off at the mouth.

Turn the volume up,

I just shook your whole house.

Mom’s will be like ” what did he say? ”

Dad’s will be like “is that one of those trans gendered gays?”

Your brother will be like ” you just like him ’cause he’s hot”

Grandma will be like “he sounds high on the pot”

Well fuck your dad, your brother and that old bitch.

Her name’s probably “Margaret” and she’s probably a snitch .

Your mom’s cool though,

She wants to know what I said.

Rewind it to that part about “humanity is fucked in the head.”

See I don’t like this platform,

You couldn’t see my anger.

You couldn’t tell I was talking to you

And that you were in danger.

I don’t like this platform,

you didn’t see my pain.

I don’t like to write,

I like to spew from my brain.

 

 

 

 

Pay to play

I think about you still.

Smoke filled room, I love to watch.

Work the floor, its hot.

Conflicted

Was a problem child, from an early age.

Label stuck to me, it was there on every page.

Lack of understanding only formulates the rage.

So, now I burn some sage.

Or maybe I’ll burn some sour?

Can’t let these memories engulf me, can’t let them devour,

Everything I’ve tried to change about me.

Can’t let them have that power.

So now, I’m rough around the edge.

Truth eludes.

I’m blunt, like a sledge,

Heavy . . .  but not the fat kid anymore.

Grinder, hell bent on settling scores.

Nasty, lock us in a room, I’ll have you running for the door.

Conflicted . . . I don’t want to be that anymore.

Losing my grip, I fear losing this chip On my shoulder that’s the size of a boulder will only make the coals smolder as I grow older. Sparking a raging blaze and I won’t be able to see through that thick red haze.

I’m burning bridges I’m still on with fires that last for days.